Millions of Americans work full-time while spending nearly as many hours caring for family and other loved ones after their workday ends. While most wouldn’t have it any other way, balancing these often competing responsibilities is demanding—to say the least. At Grayce, we see these employees not as a monolith of “caregivers” but as individuals with unique journeys deserving of recognition and exploration.

Below is one of a series of profiles we’ve created celebrating these heroic individuals, their unique perspectives on what it means to be a caregiver, and how caring for others has shaped their lives. By doing so, we hope to expand perspectives, build community, and explore how employers can create understanding and supportive environments that consider employees as whole people, both inside and outside of work.

 

Meet Lena

Lena grew up as a Navy kid–her father was a submariner, and she spent her childhood traveling up and down the Eastern seaboard of the United States. Lena’s three siblings followed in their father’s footsteps and entered the Navy, but Lena wanted to do something different. She became the first person in her family to go to college.

Lena has always wanted to help people, so she became a nursing major. After taking all the prerequisites, she realized that she was more interested in community health education, ultimately leading her to become a health teacher in the public school system. Fast-forward, and Lena is now pursuing her PhD in Workforce and Organizational Development while working in learning and development at a health tech company.

Throughout her academic and professional career, Lena has been a family caregiver, first for her grandfather (who lived to 104!) and then for her parents. Grayce’s Head of Care Operations, Danika Mills, caught up with Lena to get her thoughts on caregiving and its impact on her life and career.

 

What Lena had to say about caregiving

Q: First, tell us a little about yourself and your family

My family is everything to me. My father and my three siblings are military veterans. My mother raised four children, often far away from anyone she knew because of my father’s military career, so she always raised us to care for each other. So, when my grandfather could no longer live alone at the age of 99, my mother said, “Daddy is coming to live with us.” Before he needed our full-time support, my mom and I would drive from Jacksonville, Florida, to Charleston, South Carolina, every other weekend to see him. While there, we would grocery shop for him, do his laundry, and take him to appointments. At that time, my parents were in their 70s and had their own health challenges.

I started caring for my grandfather as I was finishing my Master’s Degree. I’ve always had a role in taking care of my family–it is a part of my identity. But I am more than that. I am a Black woman, instilled with Southern values by my mother, and a military child who has journeyed throughout the United States. These identities are woven into my role as a caregiver.

 

Q: What were your biggest fears when taking on a role as a caregiver?

Balancing my role as a caregiver with all of my other responsibilities has always been challenging. Fortunately, when I began caring for my grandfather, I could take my Master’s program classes on nights and weekends while working full-time during the day. This allowed me more flexibility to care for my family. However, it was still challenging to find time for everything.

My graduate program had a rule that being late to class more than 3 times was unacceptable and would impact your grade.  One day, when I arrived home from work to prepare for class, I was met with a mess that my granddad accidentally made. My class started within an hour, and I had to travel to the campus as it was in person.  At that moment, I had to choose between helping my granddad or being late. I remember just sobbing as I cleaned up because my granddad was my priority, and no one else was at home. My mother arrived home from work and found me crying, and she told me that going forward, no matter what, I was to go to class on time and that when she arrived home if my granddad needed something, she would address it then.

My mom said finishing my Master’s degree was important to the entire family, including my granddad. As long as he was okay, I should stay focused on completing my Master’s program.

I was terrified that I would get my priorities wrong and miss something critical. I didn’t want to do poorly in school or my program, but I also didn’t want to leave my parents or granddad where they needed me. I had to learn to be okay with asking for help, leaving things undone, and setting my priorities.

 

Q: What made you feel most supported as a caregiver?

The saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” resonates with me. It reminds me that I have to keep my cup full if I want to give to others. You can’t give it all when you have nothing left to offer. This idea helped me to find a support system that was broader than me. I found that support system in several places.

My sister was in the Navy while I was supporting my aging parents and caring for my granddad, and she became the first pillar of my support system. She called me as often as she could and told me she would be stationed close to our house soon. I found out later that she pulled as many strings as possible to be stationed close to home so she could help me and our family. She is still one of my biggest supporters.

I also have a close network of wonderful friends. When my dad passed away, my best friend came to my house. I had been going, going, going frantically for weeks. I had been wearing clothes, washing them, then throwing them in my room. That room represented the chaos I had been feeling. So when my friend came over, I closed the door to my room, embarrassed. She walked in and said, “I’ve got this.” She started hanging clothes and sorting things in my closet. I was exhausted and went to sleep. When I woke up, everything was sorted out, and boxes were waiting to go to Goodwill. It was the best gift anyone had ever given to me.

I also have a great counselor who is helping me through my grief. It’s been beneficial. She’s helped me find myself, as I feel like I’ve lost a bit of who I am since becoming a caregiver. She’s been helping me find what brings me joy besides caring for my family. It’s been hard to find, as my identity has been tied up in caring for others for so long.

Finally, I’ve started going to the gym. I’ve been taking a cycling class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’ve realized that when my body is feeling stressed, the best thing I can do is put on some socks and shoes and exercise. This weekly class has helped me to be refreshed and ready to balance everything.

 

Q: What was the most challenging part of your caregiver journey?

Last April, my father was admitted to the hospital. Then, my mother got sick and was sent to the ICU in a hospital on the other side of town. My mom’s illness was acute—they weren’t sure she would survive the next few days. At the same time, they told me my dad had less than six months to live and recommended palliative care and hospice. So, there I was with two parents in the hospital, on opposite sides of town, both really ill, and I had to manage it all. Oh, and I still had my job to do.

I was in denial. I’ve never been that stretched—trying to run between two spaces while caring for two astronomical health concerns. My father passed away while my mom was still in the hospital.

Meanwhile, I still had to work. I shared with my leaders what was happening. My manager told me to use our flexible time off policy as needed. They also suggested FMLA, but that wasn’t an option, as I needed to earn a paycheck.  So, I had to find ways to get my job done while managing hospital visits for both parents. I worked a lot sitting by my parents’ bedside, a computer on my lap, ready to help. Fortunately, working remotely allowed me the flexibility I needed to support my parents and still get my job done.

 

Q: What is your advice for caregivers?

People—especially older adults—are full of surprises. Even if you have a plan, things can go awry. Make your plans, but be flexible.

Another piece of advice is to tell people what’s going on. I kept my family situation quiet while in graduate school and now realize that was a missed opportunity. I kept trying to show up as if I had nothing on my mind, and the reality was that I had massive responsibilities at home that nobody knew about. Had my classmates and professors known, perhaps they would have supported me, but since I didn’t tell them, they never got the chance.

Another critical piece of advice is to be comfortable prioritizing yourself. I spent so many years thinking I had to put my parents and grandfather first or I was somehow not a good caregiver. That’s not true. I used to feel selfish doing things for myself, but now, I prioritize my needssuch as going to my weekly cycling classto be strong and present with my family when caring for them. I know that if I want to care for my mom, I have to be in good health as well. We can’t both be sick, so I need to keep my physical and emotional strength up.

Finally, the emotional toll of caregiving can be challenging, it’s also filled with countless moments of joy. Embrace the tender connections and pure happiness you share. Reflecting on these happy moments often brings a smile to my face. I have many cherished memories of caring for my grandfather, dad, and mother. These moments strengthen you while you care for your loved one and will be cherished forever!

 

Q: Where are you now in terms of caregiving?

My granddad passed away several years ago, and my dad passed away in 2023, but I still care for my mom, who is now in her 80s. I’m fortunate to have a career that allows me to work remotely with a supportive team, and that’s the biggest blessing of my life. It’s a lot of juggling because my mom has many doctor’s appointments, but my manager knows I care for my mom, and I don’t let anything slip through the cracks at work. My sister helps as much as possible, but her job is demanding, so I am my mom’s primary caregiver. My brother lives out of state but comes and takes my mom with him from time to time, as he did for our father when he was alive. He also provides financial support. My strong relationship with my manager, as well as good communication, gives me the ability to balance family and work life.

It’s still challenging. For example, just yesterday, I had a huge presentation to do at work. Simultaneously, my mom had a doctor’s appointment, and my sister had to work. So, I got creative. I took my mom to her appointment and then called my brother, who lives in another city, on her phone. He stayed on Facetime with her during her entire appointment. He communicated with the nurses and doctors via telephone while I went out to my car and did my presentation. It worked.

In 2023, my company recognized Family Caregivers Month as part of their DEI initiatives. It made me feel seen and supported. I’ve been advocating for more visibility for employees who serve as caregivers and talking to our team about how we can support them. I’ve suggested benefits that would support family caregivers to the People team. Maybe there are ways to support employees who take their parents to appointments like me or to help absorb some of the costs of care. When I think about the DEI space, I know that women take the brunt of family care, so I feel passionate about finding ways to support them in the workplace. I want to advocate for people like me, who are passionate about their work and career and caring for the ones they love at the same time.

I want to do it all, and while it’s hard, I’m proud of how I’ve managed to be a family caregiver, employee, co-worker, sister, and student at once.